How to help husband orgasm / have more sex

“O”, a married woman aks:

It is tough for my husband to ejaculate with me. He seems to prefer to masterbate. I am left feeling unsatisfied because I want to have more sex. ?


It can be hard to overcome orgasm roadblocks, but here are three great ideas to get you started!

Turning on the mind

There can be multiple intersecting issues at play, and I am making no assumptions or judgements here about you or him.

It sounds like his mind needs to be turned on more though. The mind is the biggest erogenous zone for any human being.  If you aren’t able to explore fantasies in your relationship with each other, it may indicate that you could benefit from opening up the lines of communication between you to explore mentally exciting things with each other.  That said, fantasies that please one person may shock or turn off the other, so they need to be brought up properly to reduce the risk of shock or insult and increase the chance of an empowering & bonding outcome.

In my past I have personally experienced many times when my wife could not make me come.  I had a lot of things on my mind.  We didn’t feel like we were emotionally very close at the time, and I was having thoughts about wanting to date other people….my mind was elsewhere.

So getting his mind turned on will help him to get to a level of arousal where you can make him come more easily.

Type of touch

Another thing that might be a contributing factor is the type of touch that you are using.  Again, I’m not making any judgements, but I know from personal experience that sometimes my wife just doesn’t touch me “right”.  What is “right”?  It’s different for each person.  AND it changes from one day to the next! I would recommend opening a dialog about what kind of touch is most enjoyable for him. For example, if you have a regular parttern of just doing one type of movement (like maybe for example’s sake a pile-driver in & out  repeatedly very fast), that might not be the right kind to “get him off”.  The best errogenous zone of the cock is the frenulum, and massaging it, vibrating it, and licking it with flicks can all lead to an orgams better than a pile driver on guys who can’t come easily.  And of course there is the magic spot of the prostate that is almost a guaranteed orgasmic explosion!

Couples Porn

You know, I’ll share a personal experience with you, if you don’t mind.  My wife and I really get a HUGE sexual charge from watching high-quality “feminist” couples porn together.  When we’ve had troubles getting excited enough to have wonderful sex because life is full and hectic and the worries are overwhelming, it can help us to get into a highly aroused state.  I’d recommend checking out for any of Erika Lust’s work. She has lots of 20-minute long videos based on real life experiences submitted by real people in the “xconfession” series.

For further help

Any of these things could be a challenge to bring up, so again if you’d like to talk I’d be happy to speak with you and better-focus my advice for your specific situation. If you have questions or want to inquire about coaching, please get in touch.

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